A Bolivian American Family who have lived and worked in Peru, Zambia, and Guatemala!

Today’s blog Q&A is very special to me.

I ‘met’ Alex via email about a year ago when he sent me this lovely email. His story touched my heart and reminded me that even though my first book, So Many Africas: Six Years in a Zambian Village, is over five years old, it’s still out there in the world.

The way he found the book, and its impact on his life was very sweet for me to hear about.

“Dear Jill,

I picked up your book, So Many Africas, from a little free library while out on a walk one day. I was struck by the coincidence of finding the book, having just returned from living in Lusaka, Zambia for four years.

I wanted to let you know that it touched me deeply. During my four years, I had a bit of a love-hate relationship with Zambia. When my time was up, I was happy to move on. But while reading your book so much fondness resurfaced. I somehow needed to hear about the termites that take flight before the first rains, or the seemingly interminable distances between locations, or the slow-moving beauty of the Zambezi River. I fell willingly into your shoes thanks to your narrative.

Your gift fell into my hands at the perfect time.”

Since then, Alex and I have carried on a growing email correspondence.

When I learned that he was married to a Bolivian woman, I asked if he’d like to be a guest on my blog writing about his international cross-cultural life and marriage.

If you enjoy today’s post, you can read more of Alex’s writing and stories here at Alex Porter

This is the full link https://medium.com/@alex.porter-/the-snowstorm-prairie-lake-1-6b6dc17b5625

Without further ado, Here’s Alex!

How Did you and your spouse’s lives intersect?

I’m from the United States and my wife is from Bolivia.

I was serving as a Peace Corps volunteer in El Salvador and met another volunteer named Matt. Our service overlapped for about a year and then Matt left the country.

After my service in El Salvador, I decided to extend for another year and work in Bolivia. On my third day in Bolivia, I returned late from a project visit in the field and was locked out of my hotel. As I stood outside banging loudly on the door, I felt a hand on my shoulder, turned around, and saw Matt!

He had also decided to do volunteer work in Bolivia and was married to a Bolivian woman! Matt invited me to meet his wife and we met at a bar that weekend. When I met Matt and his wife, I also met his wife’s sister - who is now my wife - Elena. Matt is a great brother-in-law!

Do you currently live in your home country or your spouse’s home country?

Neither. I work in international development. It’s taken us to various countries including Peru, Zambia, and Guatemala. Someday we hope to live in Bolivia.

Tell me something about your wedding.

We had two weddings!

Our first wedding was a civil ceremony in Bolivia which was attended primarily by Elena’s family and friends on her side and by Peace Corps volunteers on my side. It was held in a small house. We had a DJ, finger food, and drinks. There was a lot of dancing.

A few months later, after moving to the U.S., we had a religious ceremony with my father officiating the ceremony. It was largely a family affair with some close friends in attendance. My brother played the music, my other brother made the wine, and my mother catered the whole event. It was simple and fun.

What are some great things about an international marriage?

It’s a hard question to answer as I’ve never been in a non-international marriage!

I would say that we have constant discussions and explorations of cultural differences and interpretations. Here’s a picture of my wife and I with her parents in Bolivia.

When our families react to something in a certain way, we first need to explore if there is a cultural difference before thinking about an individual difference.

We celebrate holidays and special occasions in very different ways. Something that is mostly relaxed for me will be an extremely formal occasion for my wife. When my friends invite us over for a party, it is mostly sitting around and chatting, but when her friends invite us over to a party it is mostly music and dancing.

Having that cultural lens on everything is sometimes challenging, but also brings a fun spice to discussions.

Do you have children?

Tell me about their experience being cross-cultural children.

We have two daughters who speak both English and Spanish. I speak English to our kids, while Elena speaks to them in Spanish. The kids are bilingual yet prefer English because it is the primary language their friends speak. Here’s a photo of them when they were younger and and going to pre-school in Peru.

Tell me about a funny misunderstanding you have had related to language or culture.

Spanish isn’t my first language and I mostly learned it through immersion, which meant that I spent a lot of time listening and repeating what I heard based on the context. My mother-in-law used the word “huevada” a lot in response to a difficult or unfortunate situation. While I worked as a Spanish speaking health case manager for Latin American families, I used the word often, too. It wasn’t until years later when I used the word in front of my wife during a dinner party that she told me that it was a vulgar word!

What parts of your spouse’s culture have you embraced?

Or chosen not to embrace?

I feel I have an increased appreciation for family beyond only the nuclear family. My wife is close to her cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and even family friends. Here’s a picture of our daughter with her great-grandparents in Bolivia.

My closest relationships are only with my brothers and sister. I’ve been working to change that.

What are some of the difficulties related to living

in a cross-cultural relationship?

Elena and I went into our relationship and marriage understanding that there would be difficulties and differences based on our different cultures. It wasn’t until much later that I came to the realization that even though we’ve decided to embrace these differences, we could not expect our families and friends to do so as well. So even though we feel perfectly comfortable with each other, we don’t always feel comfortable in each other’s cultural context.

Here’s a picture of my family harvesting yucca with my mother-in-law.

Yucca, also known as cassava or manioc, is a long, stringy tuber grown throughout South America. My mother-in-law grows yucca on a small plot of land near a family cottage in the Bolivian countryside. An avid, self-taught gardener, she takes pride in her ability to collect seeds and cultivate them in prodigious quantities.

When my children were young, we accompanied my mother-in-law to the cottage, right when the yucca plants were ready for harvest. Everyone chipped in. I swung the pickaxe to loosen the soil around the plant and then my children pulled on the long stems that often reached six feet. After a few forceful pulls the roots let go of the soil and my children fell to the ground laughing. Each plant held a prize and we all enjoyed seeing the extremely long yucca, or the plant that had an impossible amount of yucca, or the monster yucca that was as big as an arm.

Under the tropical heat, we sweated, laughed, and got very dirty. But the treat at the end of the day was when my mother-in-law boiled the yucca with salt and served it with fresh cheese. Excellent payment for a job well done!

Is food an issue?

How do you make your home feel like “home” when it’s

represented by different art, style, and cultural norms?

Here’s a picture of Picante de polo (spicy chicken) one of my favorite Bolivian dishes!

I have fully embraced the culture around food from Bolivia. My wife says that a good Bolivian talks about what you should eat for lunch while you are eating breakfast. Nearly every dish in Bolivian cuisine is a complete plate with main course and accompanying sides, made with fresh ingredients, and I feel I can never eat enough.

Food was only an issue when we first moved back to the U.S. Growing up, I ate many meals that were concoctions generated from whatever was in the refrigerator. When I made the first few meals for my wife after we were married, she would ask me what the name of the dish was, and I would just shrug and name each of the items separately. It took her a while to adapt to these haphazard dinners, but she has since embraced cooking by the seat of her pants.

I’ve always liked to decorate my home with weavings and items I’ve picked up from countries I’ve traveled to. Having my wife’s paintings and decorations in our home continues to remind me that there is so much world out there to explore.

How have your children adjusted to cross-cultural living?

My children have gone to school in three countries. Their first school, in Peru, was exclusively in Spanish, while their second school, in Zambia, was exclusively in English. We’ve found a hybrid in Guatemala where they are taught in both Spanish and English. Although they get by in math, social studies, language, and art, their favorite subject is writing. Their unique upbringing and the multiple adventures they have had at such an early age come alive in their colorful stories about hiking in snow capped Andes mountains, a hippopotamus charging our stalled river boat, and getting wet underneath giant waterfalls. I cherish their ability to tell their tales from their own perspective and share them with their classmates.

How do you keep family connections healthy and alive

when you live in different

parts of the world?

We try to prioritize visits to family as much as possible. Between visits, we speak on the phone and use video chats to share where we are and what we’re doing. Family chat groups help to keep everyone up to date as well.

Having grown up in Iowa I’m accustomed to wide open skies as far as the eye can see. I like seeing storm clouds form from miles away and then seeing that storm perform a magnificent show as lightning sweeps across the nighttime canvas. Since I was a boy, I’ve enjoyed getting on my bicycle and pedaling as fast as I can, as if I were flying through that wide open sky.

My children, however, have grown up in cities where the patchwork of sky is a glimpse between buildings, or interrupted by walls that encircle our home. Our bike rides have been up and down the driveway or in the soccer field at their school because many of the places we’ve lived don’t have sidewalks or are unsafe for biking.

The first thing my children do when we arrive in Iowa is to ask if they can go out on their bikes. They know the bike paths and trails and seem to enjoy the same freedom I felt when I was a child pedaling the same paths.

This picture was taken while we were biking in Iowa toward the end of fall.

The milkweed plant has died back, and its seed pods are starting to release their tiny seeds with cotton masts. I rode ahead of my children with milkweed pods in hand. I split the pods open and shook them in the air, leaving a trail of floating seeds in my wake. My daughters laughed, yelling that it was snowing, and asking me to do it again.

Many thanks to Alex for taking the time to write this Q&A.

I hope that you’ve enjoyed taking a peek into another cross-cultural marriage and family.

Happy Holidays however and wherever you celebrate them!

Love always,

Jill