New Therapies, Old Loves, and A Request
Ever since my surgery/brain injury, I’ve had difficulties with my hearing.
It’s something I haven’t written about before, but it’s on ongoing challenge.
I hear things too acutely.
Everything is louder than it should be.
My brain has forgotten how to differentiate peripheral — unimportant noises — from essential ones.
I hear everything!
When I’m out for a walk, I hear the grass move under my feet.
I hear the airplane overhead, the lawn mover three streets away, the (utterly annoying) deep thrum of rap music coming from the trunk of the car across the parking lot. Every bird, every dog, the beeps of construction vehicles backing up across the river. You get the picture. I can’t not hear. I can’t tune things out. It is as if every noise were screaming right in my face.
Besides the abundance of all this noisy information, I also perceive noise as movement.
The highway traffic becomes a river of noise flowing through my brain. A weedwhacker makes a circular sound. The beep-beep of vehicles backing up is like a hammer. These sounds cause me to feel like my brain is both hearing and moving with every sound.
On a walk, I can handle the dog barking next door.
Each bark slamming my brain into a wall.
I can handle the lawn mower – the whirls making my brain go in circles. I can handle the highway noise – my brain floating down that river. But at some point, all the motion and noise adds up and one more tiny noise tips my tolerance into chaos and confusion.
I can’t handle it. I can’t think straight or walk straight anymore.
Everything is downhill from there.
I’ve tried four different kinds of ear plugs.
I own and often use noise canceling headphones. Still, my perceptions are off. It’s totally exhausting to hear the world all the time.
My physical therapist – the amazing one with her Ph.D. and Brain Injury Specialist certification – has been suggesting for a year that I go in for a brain-ear retraining program. I finally signed up.
Next week I’ll be doing a program called Berard.
It’s an auditory integration training developed by Dr. Guy Berard.
I’m so amazed at the things I’m finding nearby. An auditory retraining program for brain injury here in my home town!
This is what I know.
I’ll go in and listen for a half an hour to music. Different pitches, rhythms, frequencies, levels of loudness. Then I’ll go home for four hours and return to do another half hour of listening. This twice-a-day program lasts two weeks.
I’m not allowed to drive those two weeks. I’m told that I’ll be exhausted, sleep a lot, and that it’s not pleasant to go through. I’m also told that the probabilities are high that it will be very useful. It often helps hearing AND balance issues.
I’m not looking forward to the process but have decided to go into it with a positive attitude.
I’m going for a double win. Better hearing and better balance. Why not? Two for one!
Would you think of me these coming two weeks?
Send up a prayer? Send good vibes and thoughts my way?
Hope with me for that win/win: Ears better. Balance better.
One last thing.
I have a soft spot in my heart for libraries. As a child the Valley City Library was one of my happy places.
I mean really. Just look at that LION who welcomed me every Saturday morning. “Glad to see you,” he used to say. “What are you going to read today?” It was always a thrill to pass by and pat him on the head! I think that Lion was one of my very first loves!
The fact that that old Carnegie Library is still standing, the fact that The Lions are still there, warms my heart.
I’d love to see copies of The Clean Daughter in more libraries. Seeing libraries carry my books is a great joy to me.
Would you be willing to contact your local library and ask them to get a copy?
If you do, send me a quick message.
It would be fun to see what towns or states it makes it way to.
Thank you! Thank you for reading, for caring, for being a part of my journey.
Here’s hoping for better ears, better balance, and lots of libraries carrying my book!
Love always,
Jill